''May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.'' Hebrews 13:20-21
''God did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.'' Joshua 4:24
''Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'' Isaiah 30:21
I don´t do share what's really going on in my heart very often here on my blog, so consider today your lucky day :). God has really been challenging me and working deep in my heart, which is at times uncomfortable and painful. I recently read on a friend's Facebook a quote from some famous author (he's so famous I can't remember his name, oops!) that God is not concerned with our physical comfort, but He is instead concerned with our spiritual perfection.
If you know me even a tiny bit, you know that I am very much a perfectionist. I have a student this year who is also an extreme perfectionist, and I think God put us in each other's lives to work through this issue together. I have given her some articles and verses about how perfectionism can be debilitating and how we can work to overcome our negative self-talk. Little does this student know that I am learning right alongside her... but I think the fact that I am learning with her makes it that much more powerful as I share with her what I learn instead of just what I think about the issue.
So God has been working on me deeply and one of those areas is again questioning whether or not I want to be a teacher.
We all know that God works in mysterious ways and usually behind the scenes. So there I am on Tuesday during our class meeting, crushed to hear from a student that ''everyone'' in the class has been passing notes behind my back. Apparently it´s something that started when a substitute teacher was with the students for those 2 weeks that I was with my family, and the note-passing habit has continued since I got back. I went home after school on Tuesday, discouraged about how much I put into learning the material, creating ways for students to learn the material, and then realizing why science grades have been so low lately... because students aren't paying attention to the lesson; instead they have been passing notes.
I didn´t want to go to school Wednesday. I got out of bed like a sloth crawling down the tree for his breakfast... I think it took me 3 hours to get ready for school. (exaggerated... I was actually running for the bus stop because I was super-late.) I made it to school in time and taught the math lesson in a creative way so that there was no chance of passing notes. At recess, I asked a couple of the girls when most of the note-passing happens, and they confessed it was during science class, which is what I had suspected. I still didn´t know how I was going to handle it during science class.
Then, as students got out their textbooks for the science lecture, I sat down in my desk chair in the back of the classroom. I'm not sure why I did, I just did. When all students had their notebooks and textbooks, I began giving directions. ''Open up to a fresh page in your notebook. Draw a square that takes up the whole page. Then divide the square into 12 squares by drawing 3 columns and 4 rows. etc.''
I continued sitting in the back and giving instructions. ''Now in the top left box, write the words 'combination reaction.' Then in the box underneath, draw a circle plus a circle that is colored in equals a circle connected to a colored-in-circle.''
One student raises her hand. ''Yes, Christina?''
''This is kind of hard.''
''Really, what makes this hard?''
''Well, it´s easier if you write it on the board so we can see what you want us to draw.''
''Hmmm... Can anyone tell me why I can't use the whiteboard today?''
One student murmurs, ''Because you turn your back and we pass notes.''
''That's exactly why.''
I say ''Please raise your hand if this would be easier for you if I drew it on the board.''
all hands are raised.
''Please raise your hand if you promise not to pass notes during the science lesson so I can use the whiteboard.''
all hands are raised.
''Deal. BUT as soon as I find or even suspect that someone is passing notes, I will come right back to my desk chair and teach from here. Understood?''
a murmured, ''yeees...'' and note-passing free lessons (to my knowledge anyway) Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
Amidst my doubts about whether or not I am a good teacher/should continue to be a teacher in the future, God continues to equip me with what I need in exactly the moment I need it. Not a moment too early and not a moment too late. God gave me a strategy and confirmed (again!) that He has me right where He wants me for now.
In the classroom. Meeting students right where they are at. And to allow Him to meet me right where I am at.